Author Chuck Palahniuk wrote that "everything is a self-portrait; everything is a diary." Irish artist Niamh Hannaford is determined to make sense of the human condition through self-portraiture — her performance art and painting exposing her inner fears with playful curiosity. She speaks to ALHAUS magazine about putting herself out there.

1. Do your fears lessen as you grow older?

Some do lessen: I have examined the idea of jealousy for example through my work and have sort of put it to bed with myself and moved on (or at least I hope I have!)

Others though, like rejection/hurt/love, will always be a part of everyone's lives in one form or another. You grow each time you encounter and learn a little and begin to trust yourself more. 

As I've begun to show more of myself, I've definitely learned to trust and believe in myself more. And to say that stuff out loud (which, like most people, I find unbelievably cringey!)

2. Your jewellery is bizarre – how does it intersect with your art?

I did some markets recently and I got ‘creepy cute’ a lot as a response to my jewellery.

I knew I wanted to go to art college and be an artist when I was quite young. When I was in college I wanted to focus on painting but I didn't get into the course, so I kind of fell into metalwork instead. When I got out of college in 2010 I worked part-time as a jeweller and during my studio time, made more sculptural pieces with LEDs and stuff.

I really struggled to focus my mind or get my teeth into anything for quite a few years. I was never happy with anything I did and would hate to show anything. I was struggling fairly deeply with my mental health so I decided to look at myself through my art. To make ‘me’ my project. 

That's when I started doing the self-portraits. So with that, and lots of therapy, I have come on in leaps and bounds in the last couple of years. I feel new, to be honest. This year I quit my part-time job to make my own jewellery too — and I couldn't be happier with my decision.

3. What's the most surprising reaction you've ever received to an artwork?

On two occasions, two different people asked me why I painted myself ‘bigger’ than I was — referring to two different works. I think they thought I was being hard on myself or something. It's just funny because I'm a very mechanical drawer so I know for certain that I am in proportion.

4. Can you tell us anything about your piece ‘..however, fragile..’ ?

Each of my larger paintings comes with an accompanying poem on the same theme. The poem for this piece sums it up quite well.  

"I truly and deeply love and accept myself,

it's wonderful how much easier that is becoming to say.

And now another step taken, in public.

.because.               for the longest time, 

the thought that I was worth anything at all,

least of all loving.

felt far too much to bare.

But I persevered, 

and I am here.

And I am happy  

and I am proud of myself ..however, fragile..

that pride may be

at least I am willing to say it. "

5. You've said that your nude drawings are not about sex, they're about vulnerability.

I've been playing with some looser-style drawings of late, stepping away from the aforementioned mechanical style. They are playful and only my torso — they’re about me trying to see the beauty in what, for me, is something I struggle hard to see beauty or value in. 

They are also kind of subverting the standardised ‘male gaze’ if you will — sort of what we put value on as a society. Essentially, these drawings are intimate but not about sex. Some of my work is about sex but when it is, you'll know — it's slapped right there on the tin. 

6. How does Instagram work for you in general?

Ah, it's all cringey... putting yourself out there. I'm certainly not a natural at it. And I have to watch myself, you know? It can throw you down a shame spiral. That said, I have met some lovely people. And like with everything, I think I am getting better and more comfortable with it. 

10. The meal you enjoyed most in 2019?

El Grito in Dublin! It's on Mountjoy Square and it is the bomb! 

11. Did you read a book last year that you can recommend?

I did read a book! Well, I am reading a book... my friend bought me Help Me! by Marianne Power. It's very funny, I would definitely recommend. 

12. Your biggest challenge in 2019?

I went through a fairly bad patch of depression at the beginning of the year. It lasted a while… but as always, with time, it passed. 

15. Personal / professional hopes for this year?

For me, I'd like to feel more still within myself. I am a jittery person, my poor heart works overtime. Professionally, I want to push the poetry I write, get out there and speak my words more.

ABOUT NIAMH HANNAFORD

Niamh’s objective is to bare herself and her vulnerabilities in her work so that people can find common ground with their own experiences. By putting herself forward and revealing herself, she has found others keen to share similar stories of doubt, fear and joy. It is this sharing of experience that deeply interests her. In July 2020, Niamh will host a fundraising event at Mart Gallery, while her joint show with artist Tara Carroll takes place at Pallas Projects in September.

@niamh_hannaford

niamhhannaford.com

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