Pandemic parenting
While the Coronavirus crisis rages, there's plenty to worry about on a global scale—but for many parents now working from home with their children, the domestic demands of the last two weeks have left little space for anything else. One mother describes her "new normal" to ALHAUS magazine, an era of toddler craft projects amid conference calls and productivity in a haze of Paw Patrol.
Name: Niamh Crilly
Children: 2-year-old daughter
Occupation: Full-time Senior Risk Analyst
What do you wear to work now?
Runners, leggings and a large cosy jumper. My hair has not been blowdried or styled since the pandemic began and I don’t bother with makeup unless I have to answer the door.
What’s a normal day like for you now?
I get up by 6am to try and beat my daughter’s 9am wakeup time. If I can get three solid hours of work done first thing, it means I can knock off earlier in the day and have more time to play with her. This is wonderful on the rare occasion when it actually works. Generally, my laptop is always on my knee, my daughter is always somewhere nearby, and my husband and I tend to dive in and out of the room for calls.
Has your daughter noticed a change in her routine?
Yesterday she told me she saw her friend Hugo at crèche—which she definitely didn’t! Maybe isolation delirium setting in? She certainly has a tonne of energy—and being used to only seeing her in the evenings and weekends, I’m not used to the levels of energy my daughter actually has.
Because we recently moved out of my parents’ house, she keeps saying she wants to go “home” because she misses my parents’ house and misses them—which is sad. She knows she can't see them now with everything that's going on, or at most only through glass, so she keeps wanting to hug them, which is obviously not allowed. I’ve tried to literally explain the health crisis to her, but I don’t think she can grasp the term ‘pandemic’! We do have a garden in our new house and that helps—we can go out for little walks.
Do you get to play music at work now?
It’s generally 70 percent kids’ TV music—when our daughter is distracted or napping, we switch to my husband David’s ‘funky cool’ music (normally it’s stuff I’ve never heard) and we get a brief reprieve. But on the whole, it’s generally a soundtrack made up of a mixture of Peppa Pig and Paw Patrol.
What’s been the hardest part about the lockdown, in terms of work and childminding
Probably the guilt. I always felt guilt working full time anyway—wondering is my child in the crèche too much, am I a bad parent? But at least when you’re in work you’re not literally looking at her and when you’re with her, you’re not in the midst of work. Now it’s hard to separate the two, because you’re in the same room—while I type, I see my child watching TV and think “What am I doing, I’m a terrible parent,” and then I sit with her watching Paw Patrol and think “Why am I being paid, I should be fired.” I feel like this is the usual dose of parent guilt but amplified by 10. What’s also hard is the constant creativity you need to keep thinking of things for your child to do in the house. I need to play with things first, in order for our toddler to be interested in it.
What’s been rewarding?
Getting to see my daughter more during the day has been nice. Before I would normally leave for work before she woke and see her only after 5pm for a couple of hours before she went to sleep and on the weekends. I’m getting to chat to her more and see what she can do. It’s also nice to be able to have lunch at home with my husband every day, even if it’s against a constant backdrop of Paw Patrol.
Hands down, the best thing about this situation for me is not having to think about work clothes. Instead I roll into the same clothes as yesterday—never having to think about looking both professional and fabulous! Erasing that process and my long commute has been delightful.
Any funny lockdown situations?
Before every work conference call, there’s a moment when you need to record your name before you enter the virtual meeting. One morning my daughter managed to perfectly time it so that right after I said ‘Niamh’, she shouted ‘MARSHALL!’ (her favourite character from Paw Patrol—she always shouts his name when she sees him on screen). So that morning, it was a very excited ‘Niamh MARSHALL!’ who entered the call to the surprise of my co-workers.
Top pandemic parenting survival tips?
Most of my lunches are now microwaveable to save time. I know I need to get out of the house at least once a day on my own—even if it’s just walking to the shops and listening to music. I need that headspace.
Setting the bar very low helps—if you don’t expect to get too much done or be able to play with your children as much as you want to, you’ll cope better.
What's your current indulgence of choice?
Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream.
Have you completed any DIY projects?
I made a tent last week. It didn’t work at the time, but later that day my daughter got loads of mileage out of it—obviously when I no longer needed the distraction.
Play-Doh also worked for a while; she spent an afternoon making ‘sandwiches’. Googly eyes are great—you can stick them on anything and that amused her for about 15 minutes.
Best lockdown quote?
One day last week she put her sunglasses on and started banging on the front door shouting “I want to go outside!” I guess it’s the kind of statement that applies to the whole world right now.